I was so poor, that if I didn't wake up with a boner on Christmas morning, I'd have had nothing to play with.
(3.1 stars, 7 votes)
Why did the snowman have a smile on his face?
Because the snowblower was coming down the block.
(2.0 stars, 7 votes)
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.
(3.9 stars, 8 votes)
Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.
(3.6 stars, 8 votes)
A reason Santa has to be a man: No woman is going to wear the same outfit, year after year.
(3.1 stars, 8 votes)
Why does Santa wear red underwear?
He's a man -he did all his laundry in one load.
(2.6 stars, 8 votes)
Why does Santa have such a big sack?
'Cuz he only comes once a year.
(2.6 stars, 8 votes)
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.
(3.7 stars, 9 votes)
Why is it so cold at Christmas?
It's in Decembrrrrr.
(2.9 stars, 9 votes)
What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
(2.2 stars, 9 votes)
What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
Crisp Cringle.
(3.6 stars, 10 votes)
Who brings the Christmas presents to police stations?
Santa Clues.
(3.3 stars, 10 votes)
Why are a lion at the beach and Christmas alike?
Because the lion has sandy claws.
(2.9 stars, 10 votes)
What is the Christmas message in these letters: ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ?
No "L" (Noel)
(2.4 stars, 10 votes)
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.
(2.4 stars, 10 votes)
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
(4.0 stars, 11 votes)
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
(3.8 stars, 11 votes)
What do elves learn in school?
The Elf-abet!
(3.6 stars, 11 votes)
What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies ?
Snowballs.
(3.5 stars, 11 votes)
Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time?
Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.
(2.6 stars, 11 votes)
The three stages of life:
1) You believe in Santa Claus
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus
3) You are Santa Claus
(4.1 stars, 13 votes)
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
(4.0 stars, 14 votes)
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