How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the nooose.
(3.6 stars, 9 votes)
Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried.
(3.3 stars, 9 votes)
Men are like coolers: Load them with beer, and you can take them anywhere.
(3.2 stars, 9 votes)
Men are like plungers: They spend most of their time in the hardware store or the bathroom.
(3.2 stars, 9 votes)
Why are men like commercials?
You can't believe a word they say.
(3.2 stars, 9 votes)
Why are guys like lava lamps?
They're fun to watch, but not very bright!
(3.2 stars, 9 votes)
What have you done wrong if your wife walks into the living room and slaps you.
You have left the chain to long.
(3.2 stars, 9 votes)
What's the difference between men an government bonds?
Bonds mature.
(3.2 stars, 9 votes)
How does a woman show she's planning for the future?
Plastic Surgery.
(3.2 stars, 9 votes)
Men are like linoleum: Lay them once right and you can walk on them for the next 20 years.
(3.1 stars, 9 votes)
Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.
(3.1 stars, 9 votes)
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.
(3.1 stars, 9 votes)
Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence.
(3.1 stars, 9 votes)
What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They're married.
(3.1 stars, 9 votes)
Men are like computers: Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
(3.0 stars, 9 votes)
Men are like diapers: always full of shit.
(3.0 stars, 9 votes)
What do men and women have in common?
They both distrust men.
(2.9 stars, 9 votes)
Why do women have mid-life crises? Because Phil and Oprah say they're supposed to.
(2.9 stars, 9 votes)
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
(2.9 stars, 9 votes)
Husband: A man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until December 24 to do his Christmas shopping.
(2.7 stars, 9 votes)
What is the thinnest book in the world? What Men Know About Women
(2.6 stars, 9 votes)
When does a woman care for a man's company?
When he owns it.
(2.6 stars, 9 votes)
Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
(2.4 stars, 9 votes)
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.
(2.3 stars, 9 votes)
The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.
(2.2 stars, 9 votes)
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