I said "no" to drugs, but they didn't listen.
(4.4 stars, 7 votes)
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
(4.0 stars, 7 votes)
The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
(4.0 stars, 7 votes)
If you die on an elevator, be sure to press the UP button.
(4.0 stars, 7 votes)
A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the pants.
(3.9 stars, 7 votes)
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
(3.9 stars, 7 votes)
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
(3.9 stars, 7 votes)
Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
(3.9 stars, 7 votes)
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
(3.9 stars, 7 votes)
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
(3.9 stars, 7 votes)
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
(3.9 stars, 7 votes)
Always remember you're unique just like everyone else.
(3.9 stars, 7 votes)
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
(3.9 stars, 7 votes)
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
(3.9 stars, 7 votes)
Antique is just another word for second-hand.
(3.9 stars, 7 votes)
If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.
(3.9 stars, 7 votes)
Kiss is an application in the top floor for a job in the basement. (Dheeraj Kumar)
(3.7 stars, 7 votes)
Frustration is not having anyone to blame but yourself.
(3.7 stars, 7 votes)
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
(3.7 stars, 7 votes)
Only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
(3.7 stars, 7 votes)
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
(3.7 stars, 7 votes)
I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
(3.7 stars, 7 votes)
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
(3.7 stars, 7 votes)
I am not in denial!
(3.7 stars, 7 votes)
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where’s the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
(3.7 stars, 7 votes)
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