Never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal. There are just too many women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she's really attractive. (Bruce Friedman)
(4.7 stars, 3 votes)
Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life. (Terry Pratchett)
(3.9 stars, 7 votes)
Love your enemies. At least they don't try to borrow money from you. -Leonard Louis Levinson
(3.6 stars, 7 votes)
I am desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Dave Edison
(3.4 stars, 7 votes)
Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable (O Wilde)
(3.3 stars, 7 votes)
The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise. (Roger Simon).
(3.3 stars, 7 votes)
I have just discovered the truth, and can't understand why everybody isn't eager to hear it. -Ashleigh Brilliant
(3.3 stars, 7 votes)
To any truly impartial person, it would be obvious that I am always right. -Ashleigh Brilliant
(3.3 stars, 7 votes)
Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, nobody I know belongs. -Ashleigh Brilliant
(2.1 stars, 7 votes)
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
Oscar Wilde
(4.1 stars, 8 votes)
I work very hard. Please don't expect me to think as well. (Ashleigh Brilliant)
(4.0 stars, 8 votes)
The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. (S. T. Coleridge)
(3.6 stars, 8 votes)
Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it. (Stephen Leacock)
(3.5 stars, 8 votes)
"I always try to avoid cliche's like the plague!" -Rev. Wang Zeep
(4.4 stars, 9 votes)
If it weren't for electricity we would all be watching television by candlelight.
George Gobel
(4.3 stars, 9 votes)
Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother. (Ken Dodd)
(4.2 stars, 9 votes)
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.
Carol Leifer
(4.1 stars, 9 votes)
I went into MacDonalds yesterday and said "I'd like some fries".
The girl at the counter said "Would you like some fries with that".
Jay Leno
(4.0 stars, 9 votes)
Don't spend 2 dollars to have a shirt dry cleaned. Donate it to the Salvation Army. They'll clean it and put it on a hangar. Next morning you can buy it back for 75 cents.
Billiam Coronel
(4.0 stars, 9 votes)
A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. (Guitry)
(4.0 stars, 9 votes)
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. (Johnny Carson)
(4.0 stars, 9 votes)
Now suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself.
Mark Twain
(3.8 stars, 9 votes)
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. (Socrates)
(3.7 stars, 9 votes)
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to work twelve hours a day. (Robert Frost)
(3.6 stars, 9 votes)
I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They have experience pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
(3.4 stars, 9 votes)
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