"I'll never amount to anything in life", said one friend "In fact, my uncle is the town drunk."
"Well... that's not too bad", replied the other "Where does your uncle live?"
"New York City"
(2.8 stars, 8 votes)
They say that alcohol kills slowly. So who's in a such a hurry?
(4.6 stars, 9 votes)
How many drunks does it take to change a light bulb?
2, one to hold the bulb and the other to drink until the room spins.
(4.1 stars, 10 votes)
A pair of glasses walks into to a pub. He asked the bar man for a drink and the bar man replies:
I am not serving you, you're off your head.
(2.2 stars, 10 votes)
Drunk drivers run stop signs, high drivers wait for them to turn green.
(4.4 stars, 11 votes)
Life is too short to drink cheap beer.
(4.2 stars, 11 votes)
Man goes to the doctor and says doctor, I can't stop my hands from shaking!
Doctor replies Do you drink much?
Man says No, I spill most of it!
(3.5 stars, 11 votes)
A grasshopper walks into a bar, bartender says, "Hey we have a drink named after you."
Grasshopper says, "Really? You have a drink named Larry?"
(2.7 stars, 11 votes)
Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
(3.6 stars, 12 votes)
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
(4.9 stars, 13 votes)
Alcohol doesn't make you FAT... it makes you LEAN... against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people!
(4.4 stars, 13 votes)
If she's still ugly, have another beer.
(3.4 stars, 13 votes)
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.
(3.2 stars, 13 votes)
A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that."
The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him first."
(3.9 stars, 15 votes)
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