Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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I work very hard. Please don't expect me to think as well. (Ashleigh Brilliant)
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I had an "hour glass" figure, but unfortunately the sand shifted.
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You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.
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If it wasn't for my faults, I'd be perfect.
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You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.
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The Clairvoyant Society has cancelled today's meeting due to unforeseen circumstances.
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The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes... why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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I don't understand you. You don't understand me. What else do we have in common? -Ashleigh Brilliant
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All I want is a chance to prove that money means nothing to me!
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No amount of advance planning will ever replace dumb luck.
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If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry?
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Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise. (Roger Simon).
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?
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May you live as long as you want to, and want to as long as you live.
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If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.
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If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
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Sharing is fun, unless its your own stuff.
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Minds are like parachutes; they only work when they are open.
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HELP! The paranoids are after me..
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Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
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Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
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